1 00:00:01,210 --> 00:00:04,171 ["DREAMS" PLAYING] 2 00:00:29,488 --> 00:00:32,991 - [EXHALES SHARPLY] - Mush! [WHISTLING] 3 00:01:00,310 --> 00:01:02,980 [KEELEY] Now, that's a cup of coffee. It's strong. 4 00:01:03,797 --> 00:01:04,857 Good though. 5 00:01:04,857 --> 00:01:06,358 - I got you something. - [SQUEALS] 6 00:01:06,358 --> 00:01:09,736 - Ooh. I love somethings. - [CHUCKLES] 7 00:01:09,736 --> 00:01:12,698 [SQUEALS] What is this? 8 00:01:14,533 --> 00:01:17,452 Sense and Sensibility. Oh, I love this book. 9 00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:19,997 - I loved the movie more though. - [CHUCKLES] 10 00:01:19,997 --> 00:01:23,292 Wait, is this, like, a first edition or something? 11 00:01:23,292 --> 00:01:27,379 - Yep. And it's signed. - No. 12 00:01:30,299 --> 00:01:33,552 "Keeley, you go girl! Jane Austen." 13 00:01:34,469 --> 00:01:36,263 [BOTH LAUGH] 14 00:01:36,263 --> 00:01:39,349 Did you destroy a priceless artifact just to make me laugh? 15 00:01:40,309 --> 00:01:42,853 [STAMMERS] One, it wasn't priceless. It was actually very expensive. 16 00:01:43,437 --> 00:01:47,316 Two, I can get very jealous, and I hate the idea of you regifting that. 17 00:01:47,316 --> 00:01:50,235 And three, no, I didn't. That is all her. 18 00:01:50,235 --> 00:01:52,950 And she really wants you to "go girl," so... [CHUCKLING] 19 00:01:52,951 --> 00:01:54,615 ... you better go girl. 20 00:01:54,615 --> 00:01:56,992 - Oh, I'll go. Watch me. - [LAUGHS] 21 00:01:56,992 --> 00:02:00,162 Come here. Thank you. 22 00:02:00,162 --> 00:02:01,455 You're welcome. 23 00:02:06,376 --> 00:02:08,628 Hey, Cindy. How are you? Good. 24 00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:11,048 How you doing, brother? You okay? 25 00:02:13,592 --> 00:02:15,677 - Good morning, Faridah. - Oh, morning, Sam. 26 00:02:16,678 --> 00:02:19,556 [SIGHS] Okay. I have a favor to ask. 27 00:02:20,057 --> 00:02:23,060 - Hmm. - Do we have an open table on Friday night? 28 00:02:23,769 --> 00:02:25,771 [LAUGHING] 29 00:02:28,524 --> 00:02:31,944 Oh, you're being serious? No. 30 00:02:31,944 --> 00:02:33,957 The restaurant is booked for months. 31 00:02:33,958 --> 00:02:36,114 The waiting list is a lie we tell people. 32 00:02:36,114 --> 00:02:38,144 O-Okay. We have a very special guest coming, 33 00:02:38,145 --> 00:02:40,827 so I need a "Ray Liotta" for one. 34 00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:43,038 [MUMBLES] I'll take care of it, take care of it. 35 00:02:43,038 --> 00:02:44,456 - [CHUCKLES] You're the best. - [CHUCKLES] 36 00:02:44,456 --> 00:02:46,750 - Okay. Thank you. - [SIMI] Oh. Fuck you! 37 00:02:48,794 --> 00:02:50,462 - If you will excuse me. - [FARIDAH] Mm-hmm. 38 00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:58,387 - Is everything okay in here? - [SIGHS] I don't know. 39 00:02:58,387 --> 00:03:00,305 - Is everything okay in here? - [STAFF] Yes, Chef! 40 00:03:00,305 --> 00:03:02,224 - Everything's fine. - So who were you talking to? 41 00:03:02,224 --> 00:03:05,143 - Brinda Barot. - And was she here? 42 00:03:05,143 --> 00:03:06,143 No, poo poo head. 43 00:03:07,062 --> 00:03:08,272 A refugee boat's coming in, 44 00:03:08,272 --> 00:03:10,983 and our home secretary wants to send them away. 45 00:03:11,567 --> 00:03:13,694 - Why would she do that? - Because she's the devil. 46 00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:14,778 - Right? - [STAFF] Yes, Chef! 47 00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:17,948 Okay, listen. Brinda Barot sucks for sure, 48 00:03:17,948 --> 00:03:20,868 but, Simi, it's way too early to be this angry. 49 00:03:22,286 --> 00:03:23,497 Maybe you should start drinking coffee again. 50 00:03:23,498 --> 00:03:25,163 It's better for your heart. 51 00:03:25,163 --> 00:03:26,164 Why are you here? 52 00:03:26,164 --> 00:03:29,459 Is there a photo shoot for Footballer Passion Project Magazine, 53 00:03:29,459 --> 00:03:30,544 - or something? - [CHUCKLES] 54 00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:33,130 No, I just stopped by to make sure everything was okay. 55 00:03:33,130 --> 00:03:34,756 Everything is perfect. 56 00:03:36,967 --> 00:03:38,844 Mm-hmm. What about the spoons? 57 00:03:38,844 --> 00:03:41,180 [INHALES DEEPLY, STAMMERS] 58 00:03:41,180 --> 00:03:42,306 [SIGHS] 59 00:03:45,267 --> 00:03:46,268 They don't match. 60 00:03:48,103 --> 00:03:50,779 Samuel, if the food is good, 61 00:03:50,780 --> 00:03:53,734 which it is, no one cares about the spoons. 62 00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:56,862 - Am I right? - [STAFF] Yes, Chef! 63 00:03:58,697 --> 00:03:59,865 [CHUCKLES] 64 00:04:00,449 --> 00:04:04,745 [INHALES SHARPLY] You know, just... My father is coming this weekend. 65 00:04:05,370 --> 00:04:08,790 So... Fuck. And I just... [STAMMERS] I want everything to be perfect. 66 00:04:10,042 --> 00:04:12,002 He's coming all the way from Nigeria. [CHUCKLES] 67 00:04:12,002 --> 00:04:14,254 Hmm. If this bitch lets him in. 68 00:04:16,548 --> 00:04:18,800 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 69 00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:40,822 [PLAYERS CHATTERING] 70 00:04:40,822 --> 00:04:43,200 [TED] All right, fellas, focus up here. 71 00:04:43,700 --> 00:04:46,745 Right about now, Roy's gonna make things dark... 72 00:04:48,705 --> 00:04:52,000 so that Coach Beard here can shed some light. Coach. 73 00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:57,840 At the 1974 World Cup, 74 00:04:57,840 --> 00:05:00,509 the tiny country of the Netherlands came out of nowhere 75 00:05:00,509 --> 00:05:02,511 and made it all the way to the World Cup Final, 76 00:05:02,511 --> 00:05:05,430 playing the home team, heavily favored Germany. 77 00:05:06,765 --> 00:05:09,309 Those Dutch hippies scored before the Germans even touched the ball. 78 00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:11,228 Yeah, but Holland lost that game. 79 00:05:11,228 --> 00:05:12,920 Correct. But along the way, 80 00:05:12,921 --> 00:05:15,649 they won the hearts of fans all around the world 81 00:05:16,233 --> 00:05:17,875 with a style of play... dare I say, 82 00:05:17,876 --> 00:05:22,733 a philosophy... called Total Football. 83 00:05:23,031 --> 00:05:25,117 Which, coincidentally, Coach dreamed up 84 00:05:25,117 --> 00:05:27,411 in a barbecue-sauce-related hallucination just last week. 85 00:05:27,411 --> 00:05:28,787 [PLAYERS CHATTERING] 86 00:05:28,787 --> 00:05:31,540 No, it's true. But hey, it's not about me. Go on, keep shining. 87 00:05:31,540 --> 00:05:33,125 The best player on that team 88 00:05:33,125 --> 00:05:35,210 and the godfather of Total Football was this guy. 89 00:05:35,752 --> 00:05:36,879 Can anyone tell me who this is? 90 00:05:36,879 --> 00:05:38,881 That's Tim Robinson from I Think You Should Leave. 91 00:05:39,464 --> 00:05:42,593 No. It is Dutch football legend, Johan Cruyff. 92 00:05:42,593 --> 00:05:43,719 It's pronounced Cruijff. 93 00:05:43,719 --> 00:05:46,555 My apologies. With Total Football, 94 00:05:46,555 --> 00:05:49,099 - Johan Cruijff... - That's it. 95 00:05:49,099 --> 00:05:52,311 ... took his small club Ajax to three straight European titles. 96 00:05:52,895 --> 00:05:55,522 Now, he later became a coach, first at Ajax, 97 00:05:55,522 --> 00:05:57,858 and then he took Total Football to Barcelona, 98 00:05:57,858 --> 00:06:00,736 where he won the Spanish championship four years in a row. 99 00:06:00,736 --> 00:06:03,447 Now a central cog of that team was an industrious 100 00:06:03,447 --> 00:06:06,283 but brilliant midfielder named Josep Guardiola. 101 00:06:06,283 --> 00:06:08,202 AKA Pep. 102 00:06:08,202 --> 00:06:10,579 - [PLAYERS CHATTERING] - [WHISTLES] Look at that head of hair. 103 00:06:10,579 --> 00:06:11,663 God had to take it away 104 00:06:11,663 --> 00:06:13,332 - just to balance things out, you know? - Hmm. 105 00:06:13,332 --> 00:06:17,211 Pep became a coach as well, honing his own version of Total Football 106 00:06:17,211 --> 00:06:21,131 that he took to Barcelona and Bayern Munich, 107 00:06:21,131 --> 00:06:25,427 eventually landing at our great white whale, Manchester City. 108 00:06:25,427 --> 00:06:28,180 [PLAYERS BOO] 109 00:06:28,180 --> 00:06:30,682 Where he briefly coached a very talented young player... 110 00:06:32,559 --> 00:06:34,895 until that beautiful dum-dum quit to go do a reality show. 111 00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:37,981 - [PLAYERS LAUGH] - I was robbed! 112 00:06:37,981 --> 00:06:39,107 [ALL LAUGH] 113 00:06:39,107 --> 00:06:40,455 Total Football is about constant movement. 114 00:06:40,456 --> 00:06:42,986 Players are no longer in set positions. 115 00:06:42,986 --> 00:06:46,657 Defenders are free to attack. Attackers are trusted to defend. 116 00:06:46,657 --> 00:06:49,952 It's about taking risks and supporting each other's choices. 117 00:06:49,952 --> 00:06:52,621 Like when your friend wears something new and outside his comfort zone, 118 00:06:52,621 --> 00:06:55,249 and instead of ignoring it, everybody pays him a compliment. 119 00:06:55,249 --> 00:06:57,626 - [PLAYERS MURMURING IN AGREEMENT] - By the way, great hat, Ash. 120 00:06:58,252 --> 00:07:00,212 - [PLAYERS CHATTERING] - [PLAYER] Oh, yeah. 121 00:07:00,212 --> 00:07:02,714 - It's pretty sweet. Hmm. - Yeah, it frames his face nicely. 122 00:07:02,714 --> 00:07:05,759 Exactly. Total Football is about letting go of your baggage 123 00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:07,219 and trusting your intuition. 124 00:07:07,219 --> 00:07:12,558 It's jazz. It's Motown. It's Mamet. It's Pinter. It's Einstein. 125 00:07:12,558 --> 00:07:14,351 It's Keurig. It's Gaga! 126 00:07:14,351 --> 00:07:17,855 It's my mother proudly displaying her vibrator on the bedside table! 127 00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:20,044 It's about throwing off the constraints 128 00:07:20,045 --> 00:07:22,860 put upon you by society and by yourselves! 129 00:07:24,111 --> 00:07:25,529 We all know football is life. 130 00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:27,948 But a beautiful life... 131 00:07:29,491 --> 00:07:30,784 is Total Football. 132 00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:33,954 [PLAYERS CHEERING] 133 00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:36,498 That's good. That's you right there. 134 00:07:36,498 --> 00:07:38,750 - Give it up, that's Coach. - [PLAYERS CHATTERING] 135 00:07:38,750 --> 00:07:40,335 All right, fellas, we wanted y'all to know 136 00:07:40,335 --> 00:07:42,379 a little bit about the history of Total Football, 137 00:07:42,379 --> 00:07:44,339 because that's what we're gonna start playing here. 138 00:07:44,339 --> 00:07:46,675 - What? No. No, no, no, wait. What? - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 139 00:07:46,675 --> 00:07:51,013 Oi! You turn those frowns upside down 'cause we're fucking doing this. 140 00:07:51,013 --> 00:07:52,784 We're gonna drill it, we're gonna train it 141 00:07:52,785 --> 00:07:54,224 and then in a couple of months, 142 00:07:54,224 --> 00:07:56,810 we're taking Total Football to the fucking pitch. 143 00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:58,937 No, actually we're gonna do it this Saturday against Arsenal. 144 00:07:58,937 --> 00:08:01,023 - Well, that's fucking mental. - No, it'll be fine. 145 00:08:01,023 --> 00:08:03,150 - [PLAYERS CLAMORING] - Oh, hush your butts! 146 00:08:03,150 --> 00:08:06,278 - [CLAMORING CONTINUES] - Hush your butt! Let's go. come on. 147 00:08:06,278 --> 00:08:08,272 [SHUSHES] No, no, no. Ah, cool it. 148 00:08:08,273 --> 00:08:09,274 It's gonna be fine. I don't wanna hear it. 149 00:08:09,274 --> 00:08:11,033 - Let's go, come on! - I hear butts! 150 00:08:11,033 --> 00:08:13,744 Hush your butt, hush your butt, hush your butt. Gotta hush them butts. 151 00:08:13,744 --> 00:08:15,704 Isaac, come on, be a captain. Get that butt hushed. 152 00:08:15,704 --> 00:08:17,789 I don't wanna hear it, Van Damme. Hush your butt. 153 00:08:20,959 --> 00:08:23,188 Oh, Ms. Jones, we have a problem. The... 154 00:08:23,189 --> 00:08:24,963 Oh, no, wait, actually, no, we don't. 155 00:08:24,963 --> 00:08:28,175 Sorry, sort of force of habit or something. 156 00:08:28,175 --> 00:08:30,260 - Um, I'm just dropping this off. - Thank you. 157 00:08:31,595 --> 00:08:34,181 Oh. That's... That's very lovely. Oh, may I? 158 00:08:34,181 --> 00:08:35,265 Yeah, of course, go. 159 00:08:35,265 --> 00:08:39,436 Oh. I never would've, uh, thought that you liked books. 160 00:08:41,020 --> 00:08:43,899 Uh, I mean, um, that you collect first editions. 161 00:08:43,899 --> 00:08:46,068 Oh, no, I don't. That was a gift from Jack. 162 00:08:46,068 --> 00:08:51,114 Oh, wow. What a very nice gift to receive. From your boss. 163 00:08:51,114 --> 00:08:54,326 She's not really my boss, right? She's helping me execute my vision. 164 00:08:54,326 --> 00:08:57,955 Oh, it must be nice to have such a... a generous friend that, um, 165 00:08:57,955 --> 00:09:00,499 delivers expensive gifts to your place of work. 166 00:09:00,499 --> 00:09:03,210 No, no. She gave it to me this morning when we had breakfast together. 167 00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:08,549 Coffee. We had, um... We had a coffee together. 168 00:09:08,549 --> 00:09:11,385 At a coffee shop. But we didn't arrive together. 169 00:09:11,385 --> 00:09:15,055 We came from sep... separate places, and we met there. 170 00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:17,850 [STAMMERING] She was late actually. 171 00:09:17,850 --> 00:09:21,061 Well, I had a warm yogurt on the tube in my pajamas. 172 00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:22,771 You take the tube in your pajamas? 173 00:09:22,771 --> 00:09:25,274 Yeah, sometimes, yes. When I want to beat the rush. 174 00:09:25,274 --> 00:09:27,261 And, um... And then I just get changed in the... 175 00:09:27,262 --> 00:09:28,694 in the toilets when I get here. 176 00:09:28,694 --> 00:09:30,529 Ooh. Smart. 177 00:09:31,613 --> 00:09:33,240 - Ms. Jones. - Barbara. 178 00:09:42,499 --> 00:09:43,500 [CELL PHONE CHIMES] 179 00:09:56,889 --> 00:09:58,348 [TYPING ON COMPUTER KEYBOARD] 180 00:09:58,348 --> 00:09:59,433 [TEXT REPLY ALERT] 181 00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:02,019 [SIGHS] 182 00:10:02,978 --> 00:10:04,146 [SIGHS] 183 00:10:05,898 --> 00:10:07,691 - [TYPING ON COMPUTER KEYBOARD] - [TEXT REPLY ALERT] 184 00:10:08,567 --> 00:10:10,152 [SIGHS] 185 00:10:12,654 --> 00:10:13,655 [SIGHS] 186 00:10:15,073 --> 00:10:17,451 - Hey, Siri. - [SIRI] Yes, Wunderkind? 187 00:10:17,451 --> 00:10:19,536 Um, could you set a reminder for tomorrow at 7:00 p.m. 188 00:10:19,536 --> 00:10:21,121 for Nicole's birthday dinner? Thank you. 189 00:10:21,705 --> 00:10:24,583 Okay, your reminder is set for tomorrow at 7:00. 190 00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:32,299 - Siri. - Yes, Wunderkind? 191 00:10:33,175 --> 00:10:35,511 How can you tell if a girl likes you or is just being nice to you? 192 00:10:36,553 --> 00:10:37,554 You can't. 193 00:10:38,764 --> 00:10:41,225 [CHATTERING] 194 00:10:41,225 --> 00:10:44,186 So now I'm starting to get all these subtle, little hints from Jane. 195 00:10:44,186 --> 00:10:46,813 Like, certain magazines left on the coffee table 196 00:10:46,813 --> 00:10:49,107 and always hearing about her friends who are doing it. 197 00:10:49,107 --> 00:10:51,151 Well, marriage is a big commitment, you know? 198 00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:52,486 No, I'm talking about pegging. 199 00:10:52,486 --> 00:10:55,030 Oh. Well, still. [CHUCKLES] 200 00:10:55,030 --> 00:10:56,114 Wait, what magazines? 201 00:10:57,449 --> 00:10:59,785 - Here you go, lads. - Thanks, Mae. 202 00:11:00,410 --> 00:11:01,912 - You okay, Mae? - No. 203 00:11:01,912 --> 00:11:07,793 We win, this place is packed. We lose, it's like this. [SIGHS] 204 00:11:08,293 --> 00:11:12,673 I actually prefer it. You can finally hear yourself think in here. 205 00:11:12,673 --> 00:11:14,383 Fuck off. 206 00:11:16,176 --> 00:11:17,177 Hmm. 207 00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:19,388 [GLASSES CLINK, THUD ON TABLE] 208 00:11:20,347 --> 00:11:23,267 Hey, Lasso. We wanted to apologize. 209 00:11:23,267 --> 00:11:25,644 - What for? - For getting all soft on you. 210 00:11:25,644 --> 00:11:28,397 Yeah, we humanized you and lost all objectivity. 211 00:11:28,939 --> 00:11:30,899 Main reason why farmers don't name their livestock. 212 00:11:30,899 --> 00:11:31,973 And why we don't learn the names 213 00:11:31,974 --> 00:11:33,735 of Baz's brother's girlfriends anymore. 214 00:11:33,735 --> 00:11:35,028 Because he's a male whore. 215 00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:37,906 Exactly. So we're gonna backslide a little bit. 216 00:11:38,490 --> 00:11:40,617 Now what the fuck are you doing to our team, wanker? 217 00:11:40,617 --> 00:11:42,244 - Okay. - [TED] You... Well... N... Now, hold on, 218 00:11:42,244 --> 00:11:43,537 hold on, hold on, Coach. [CHUCKLES] 219 00:11:44,872 --> 00:11:46,123 Well, I tell you what, fellas. 220 00:11:46,665 --> 00:11:49,251 Why don't you come watch training tomorrow? See for yourselves. 221 00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:53,338 We ain't running a chocolate factory or Deutsche Bank. 222 00:11:53,338 --> 00:11:55,757 We got nothing to hide from y'all. See you tomorrow? 223 00:11:56,967 --> 00:11:59,386 Yeah. You will. 224 00:12:02,723 --> 00:12:03,849 - [LAUGHS] - What? 225 00:12:03,849 --> 00:12:06,018 - Should I wear a suit? - I'm definitely gonna take a shower. 226 00:12:06,018 --> 00:12:08,103 - I mean, gotta do that. Yeah, definitely. - Yeah. 227 00:12:08,103 --> 00:12:11,481 Coach, you sure it's smart to invite fans to our practices? 228 00:12:11,481 --> 00:12:15,068 It's their team. We're just borrowing it for a little while. You know? 229 00:12:16,278 --> 00:12:18,697 Anyway... [SIGHS] 230 00:12:18,697 --> 00:12:20,782 ... I guess marriage and pegging aren't really that different. 231 00:12:20,782 --> 00:12:22,701 [TED] Yeah, it's all about compromise. 232 00:12:23,368 --> 00:12:26,330 ["SOMETIME IN THE MORNING" PLAYING] 233 00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:42,179 - There he is! [CHUCKLES] - God! Sorry. 234 00:12:42,179 --> 00:12:45,807 The hottest coach in the league! 235 00:12:45,807 --> 00:12:46,808 - [CHUCKLES] - Thank you. 236 00:12:46,808 --> 00:12:51,438 I won a lot of money off your lot. So, keep it up. Please. 237 00:12:51,438 --> 00:12:52,731 [CHUCKLES] Table for one? 238 00:12:52,731 --> 00:12:54,320 Um, no, I thought I'd... Just passing. 239 00:12:54,321 --> 00:12:56,235 Uh, is Jade working today? Do you know? 240 00:12:56,235 --> 00:12:58,695 No, she's off Tuesdays. She goes to school. 241 00:12:59,363 --> 00:13:01,949 Or feeds her mum. I don't listen, so I don't really know. 242 00:13:01,949 --> 00:13:04,368 Okay. Well, um, just say that I said hello. 243 00:13:04,368 --> 00:13:07,746 Um... Actually, you know what, don't... don't say anything. Um... 244 00:13:07,746 --> 00:13:11,375 Actually, no, do. Uh, say, if you, um, uh, y... 245 00:13:11,375 --> 00:13:14,086 No. Just don't say anything. Unless she asks after me. 246 00:13:14,086 --> 00:13:16,213 In which case, just say that I said hello. [CHUCKLES] 247 00:13:16,213 --> 00:13:19,550 - And why would she ask after you? - Exactly. I don't kn... 248 00:13:19,550 --> 00:13:21,009 Um, thank you, uh, Derek. 249 00:13:21,009 --> 00:13:24,972 Thank you. Bye. Um, uh, yes, no, just... [CHUCKLES] Yeah. 250 00:13:24,972 --> 00:13:28,308 [MOCKING, LAUGHS] All right. 251 00:13:30,102 --> 00:13:31,645 - Hey, Trent. - [TRENT] Hello, Ted. 252 00:13:33,605 --> 00:13:35,774 - Hey, Ted! - Hey, fellas! 253 00:13:35,774 --> 00:13:36,859 - [LAUGHS] - [CHUCKLES] 254 00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:39,528 The fuck are they doing here? 255 00:13:40,028 --> 00:13:42,531 I don't know. Ask Beard, he's the one who invited them. 256 00:13:44,741 --> 00:13:45,951 [TED BLOWS WHISTLE] 257 00:13:45,951 --> 00:13:48,120 All right, my Merry Pranksters. 258 00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:49,451 If we're gonna play Total Football, 259 00:13:49,452 --> 00:13:51,832 there are four things we need to focus on. 260 00:13:51,832 --> 00:13:53,873 All right? Number one, conditioning. 261 00:13:53,874 --> 00:13:56,211 Y'all gotta get into even better shape. 262 00:13:56,211 --> 00:14:00,215 Number two, versatility. Number three, awareness. 263 00:14:00,215 --> 00:14:01,341 And number four... 264 00:14:02,676 --> 00:14:05,053 I don't know what that one is yet. But I know it's important. 265 00:14:05,053 --> 00:14:08,765 Starting today, we're gonna have to turn things up a notch around here. 266 00:14:08,765 --> 00:14:11,185 So I'ma hand it over to your drill instructor, 267 00:14:11,185 --> 00:14:13,270 Sergeant Roy Kent. [BLOWS RASPBERRY] 268 00:14:16,857 --> 00:14:19,193 Whistle! On your feet, maggots! 269 00:14:19,193 --> 00:14:21,945 [PLAYERS MUTTERING] Right. 270 00:14:22,571 --> 00:14:26,241 Today you're gonna run from end to end to end to end. 271 00:14:26,241 --> 00:14:28,285 But lucky for you, I'm in a good mood. 272 00:14:28,285 --> 00:14:32,831 So you've only gotta do that for the whole fucking practice. 273 00:14:33,457 --> 00:14:34,541 Whistle. 274 00:14:38,587 --> 00:14:41,131 - Why doesn't he just use a whistle? - He's allergic to metal. 275 00:14:41,673 --> 00:14:43,634 Football stars, they're just like us. 276 00:14:44,676 --> 00:14:46,011 Run! 277 00:14:46,011 --> 00:14:47,596 [PLAYERS SHOUTING] 278 00:14:49,640 --> 00:14:51,308 You sure you don't want a plastic whistle? 279 00:14:55,229 --> 00:14:56,647 - Hi. - Hi. 280 00:14:59,441 --> 00:15:03,320 - Ooh, cute flowers. - Aw, thanks. 281 00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:04,613 Yeah, daisies are my favorite. 282 00:15:04,613 --> 00:15:06,865 - Huh. And I thought I was. - Wait! 283 00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:10,786 - [MUTTERS, CLEARS THROAT] - [REMOTE CLICKS] 284 00:15:12,287 --> 00:15:13,539 Why'd you do that? 285 00:15:13,539 --> 00:15:16,250 - Shit, you're right, yeah. - [REMOTE CLICKS] 286 00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:21,547 - [GASPS, SCREAMS] No. Off. On. On? - Keeley. Keeley. 287 00:15:21,547 --> 00:15:24,550 - On or off? Off? On or off? - [CLEARS THROAT] Keeley. Keeley, s... 288 00:15:24,550 --> 00:15:26,885 - On? On. Do you want it on or off? - Keeley. Keeley. [STAMMERING] 289 00:15:26,885 --> 00:15:30,639 - On or off? Off? On? Off or on? - Stop. Give it... Give it to me. Thank you. 290 00:15:33,225 --> 00:15:34,810 - What's going on? - I'm sorry. 291 00:15:34,810 --> 00:15:37,938 I am just not built for a secret office romance. 292 00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:40,691 I'm used to everyone knowing everything about me. 293 00:15:40,691 --> 00:15:42,401 Barbara saw the book that you gave me, 294 00:15:42,401 --> 00:15:44,903 and, uh, I didn't think that I could tell her that we were dating, 295 00:15:44,903 --> 00:15:46,488 because I don't want us to get in trouble. 296 00:15:46,488 --> 00:15:50,409 We can't get into trouble 'cause we are two consenting adults. 297 00:15:51,285 --> 00:15:53,370 And I'm get-away-with-murder rich, so... 298 00:15:53,996 --> 00:15:55,622 - Really? - Yeah. 299 00:15:55,622 --> 00:15:58,500 - Like who else? Name names. - Everyone connected to Epstein. 300 00:15:58,500 --> 00:16:02,337 Keeley, I don't care if people in the office know we're dating, do you? 301 00:16:02,880 --> 00:16:06,508 No, of course not. I just didn't know how serious you were about this. 302 00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:08,468 Come with me. 303 00:16:09,970 --> 00:16:10,970 Okay. 304 00:16:12,931 --> 00:16:16,143 Hey, everyone. Uh, quick announcement. 305 00:16:16,143 --> 00:16:17,811 Keeley and I are dating. 306 00:16:18,395 --> 00:16:23,358 And it's... it's brand-new, but I'm serious about it. 307 00:16:25,277 --> 00:16:27,910 And so both of us just wanted to let you all know 308 00:16:27,911 --> 00:16:29,573 so that there were no secrets. 309 00:16:29,573 --> 00:16:32,910 'Cause it's... it's all good. I'm not crazy. She's not crazy. 310 00:16:33,535 --> 00:16:34,786 You're not crazy, right? 311 00:16:35,621 --> 00:16:37,247 [INHALES SHARPLY] Neither of us are crazy. 312 00:16:37,831 --> 00:16:39,956 [CHUCKLES] But, if any of you have any issues 313 00:16:39,957 --> 00:16:41,376 or concerns about this at all, 314 00:16:41,376 --> 00:16:45,881 please do not hesitate to come and speak to me or Keeley or Barbara. 315 00:16:46,507 --> 00:16:47,507 Cool? 316 00:16:49,384 --> 00:16:50,427 Cool. 317 00:16:51,428 --> 00:16:55,224 And congratulations, Jack and Keeley. 318 00:16:56,350 --> 00:16:59,311 - Love is love, i... Right. - No, that's enough, Dan. Thank you. 319 00:16:59,811 --> 00:17:02,064 ["ROCKS" PLAYING] 320 00:17:05,901 --> 00:17:07,402 [GRUNTING, PANTING] 321 00:17:14,159 --> 00:17:16,994 [RETCHING] 322 00:17:16,994 --> 00:17:18,413 [RETCHES] 323 00:17:18,413 --> 00:17:20,790 This is some of the best puking I've ever seen. 324 00:17:20,790 --> 00:17:23,544 Yeah, me too. And we spend most of our lives at the pub. 325 00:17:23,544 --> 00:17:26,672 - [WHISTLE BLOWS] - [PLAYERS PANTING, GROANING] 326 00:17:26,672 --> 00:17:31,844 All right. Nice job, gentlemen. Okay, that's it for today. 327 00:17:31,844 --> 00:17:33,220 Now we scrimmage! 328 00:17:33,220 --> 00:17:35,597 [PLAYERS GROAN] 329 00:17:36,473 --> 00:17:38,350 [REBECCA] Honestly, my jacket's still a bit canal-y. 330 00:17:38,350 --> 00:17:41,603 - [KEELEY LAUGHING] - It's really bad. Mmm. 331 00:17:41,603 --> 00:17:43,897 Okay, so, you never got his name? 332 00:17:45,232 --> 00:17:46,775 And you never told him yours? 333 00:17:48,694 --> 00:17:50,779 Yeah, see, that part's not that weird to me. 334 00:17:50,779 --> 00:17:52,730 If you really didn't have sex with the guy, 335 00:17:52,731 --> 00:17:54,616 now that is fucking bonkers. 336 00:17:54,616 --> 00:17:56,910 Look, what we shared, it just... 337 00:17:58,453 --> 00:18:01,665 It transcended sex. It was... 338 00:18:02,291 --> 00:18:03,959 - Magic. - Gezellig. 339 00:18:06,461 --> 00:18:08,172 But, yeah, I would've liked to have seen his penis. 340 00:18:08,172 --> 00:18:13,177 - [LAUGHS] Oh! It is so good to see you. - Oh, you too. [CHUCKLES] 341 00:18:13,177 --> 00:18:15,137 - It has been way too long. - Hmm. 342 00:18:15,137 --> 00:18:17,097 Because I've lost you to another woman. 343 00:18:17,097 --> 00:18:19,892 - I know. I'm sorry. - Oh, I am joking. 344 00:18:20,976 --> 00:18:23,228 So come on. How's it going? 345 00:18:23,228 --> 00:18:27,024 - Oh, it is great. I mean, she is so cool. - Mmm. 346 00:18:27,024 --> 00:18:29,776 She's smart. [STAMMERS] Super foxy. 347 00:18:29,776 --> 00:18:31,570 - Mmm. - She's an amazing gift-giver. 348 00:18:32,988 --> 00:18:34,500 Oh, my God, and the way she proclaimed 349 00:18:34,501 --> 00:18:36,950 our relationship to the entire office. 350 00:18:36,950 --> 00:18:38,994 It was so fucking hot. 351 00:18:38,994 --> 00:18:42,748 Mmm. I think she might be love bombing you. 352 00:18:42,748 --> 00:18:45,083 - She's "love what-ing" me? - Love bombing. 353 00:18:45,709 --> 00:18:49,379 That's when you're bombarded with expensive gifts and trips 354 00:18:49,379 --> 00:18:52,257 and grand gestures of love. 355 00:18:52,257 --> 00:18:54,218 - [CHUCKLES] - They call it love bombing. 356 00:18:54,218 --> 00:18:56,762 - Who does? - I don't know. They do. 357 00:18:57,304 --> 00:18:59,348 Those "they" out there that name stuff. 358 00:19:00,516 --> 00:19:04,811 But what I do know is that on my second date with Rupert... 359 00:19:04,811 --> 00:19:06,355 - Second date... - Hmm. 360 00:19:06,355 --> 00:19:08,607 ... he took me to a car showroom and said, "Which one do you want?" 361 00:19:08,607 --> 00:19:11,151 - Oh, I would fucking love that. - Oh. [CHUCKLES] 362 00:19:11,151 --> 00:19:12,151 What did you do? 363 00:19:12,152 --> 00:19:13,685 Well, I asked him if he was referring to the cars 364 00:19:13,686 --> 00:19:15,322 or the beautiful saleswomen 365 00:19:15,322 --> 00:19:17,157 suddenly tripping over themselves to help us. 366 00:19:17,157 --> 00:19:20,202 [LAUGHS] And? 367 00:19:20,202 --> 00:19:22,788 I drove home in a bloody lovely Jaguar, of course. 368 00:19:22,788 --> 00:19:24,039 [BOTH CHUCKLING] 369 00:19:24,039 --> 00:19:28,335 It just felt nice to be taken care of for once. 370 00:19:29,628 --> 00:19:30,879 Mmm. 371 00:19:31,755 --> 00:19:32,756 Look, 372 00:19:33,632 --> 00:19:36,218 I'm not saying that Jack is like Rupert. 373 00:19:36,885 --> 00:19:40,681 But sometimes shiny things can tarnish. 374 00:19:41,473 --> 00:19:43,058 I think it's fine. 375 00:19:43,725 --> 00:19:46,895 Okay, good. Good. [INHALES DEEPLY] 376 00:19:46,895 --> 00:19:48,897 Just trust yourself. 377 00:19:49,982 --> 00:19:52,693 I ignored so many red flags in my past. 378 00:19:53,277 --> 00:19:55,946 Yeah. Well, maybe we're love blind? 379 00:19:55,946 --> 00:19:57,447 Ooh, love blind. What's that? 380 00:19:57,447 --> 00:20:01,159 It's an emotional version of color blindness where a person interprets 381 00:20:01,159 --> 00:20:04,872 red flags as giant green, just-fucking-go-for-it flags. 382 00:20:04,872 --> 00:20:07,040 [BOTH CHUCKLE] 383 00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:09,084 - Did you come up with that? - Yeah, I did. 384 00:20:09,793 --> 00:20:12,546 Oh, my God. You're one of those "they" that name stuff. 385 00:20:12,546 --> 00:20:15,382 - [GASPS] Shit, I think I might be. - I think you might be. 386 00:20:15,382 --> 00:20:16,508 [BOTH LAUGH] 387 00:20:16,508 --> 00:20:18,927 Oh, sorry, excuse me. Could we get the bill, please? Thank you. 388 00:20:18,927 --> 00:20:22,723 Actually, the bill was already taken care of by Jack. 389 00:20:23,307 --> 00:20:24,892 She said she hopes you both enjoyed your meal. 390 00:20:24,892 --> 00:20:27,436 [GASPS] What a massive surprise. 391 00:20:27,436 --> 00:20:29,980 - Wow, yeah. [CHUCKLES] - What? [GASPS] 392 00:20:29,980 --> 00:20:32,608 Well, then I think we ought to have some tiramisu. Don't you? 393 00:20:32,608 --> 00:20:34,526 - Definitely. Mm-hmm. - Oh, and, uh, two bottles 394 00:20:34,526 --> 00:20:38,739 of the '34 Château Cheval Blanc Saint-Emilion Premier Grand Cru to go. 395 00:20:39,323 --> 00:20:40,616 And one for yourself. Mmm. 396 00:20:42,075 --> 00:20:45,746 [IMITATES BOMB EXPLODING] 397 00:20:46,955 --> 00:20:48,832 - [NATHAN'S FAMILY LAUGHS] - [SOPHIA] Happy birthday, Mum. 398 00:20:48,832 --> 00:20:52,127 - [NICOLE] Ooh, wow. - [FAMILY EXCLAIMS] 399 00:20:52,127 --> 00:20:53,462 I love it. 400 00:20:53,462 --> 00:20:56,089 Well, it was my vision, but Uncle Nate made it happen. 401 00:20:56,089 --> 00:20:57,799 - Ah. - She was actually quite specific. So... 402 00:20:57,799 --> 00:20:59,468 [ALL CHUCKLING] 403 00:20:59,468 --> 00:21:02,137 Thank you, cheeky. Thanks, Nate. 404 00:21:02,721 --> 00:21:05,265 Let's have a look, love. It's lovely. 405 00:21:05,933 --> 00:21:07,809 So, come on. 406 00:21:07,809 --> 00:21:09,603 You're the hottest coach in the Premier League, 407 00:21:09,603 --> 00:21:12,773 which makes me the coolest lawyer in the firm. 408 00:21:12,773 --> 00:21:14,942 Please tell me you're hooking up with girls left and right. 409 00:21:14,942 --> 00:21:17,944 Okay, I... I don't think this kind of talk 410 00:21:17,945 --> 00:21:20,280 is appropriate for a young lady. 411 00:21:20,822 --> 00:21:22,282 - Who wants ice cream? - I do. 412 00:21:22,282 --> 00:21:24,660 Great. Let's go to the corner shop. 413 00:21:24,660 --> 00:21:27,371 Ali, come with us. Let them have their girl talk. 414 00:21:27,371 --> 00:21:29,373 [MARIA, NICOLE, LLOYD CHUCKLE] 415 00:21:29,373 --> 00:21:31,250 [LLOYD] Come on, love. See you in a little bit. 416 00:21:31,250 --> 00:21:32,376 Bye. 417 00:21:33,544 --> 00:21:35,295 Okay, tell me everything. 418 00:21:36,338 --> 00:21:38,966 Uh, okay. Well, there's this girl I like. 419 00:21:38,966 --> 00:21:43,136 - Uh, she's the hostess at Taste of Athens. - Ooh, mmm. 420 00:21:43,136 --> 00:21:46,181 Uh, she used to hate me, um, but now she... 421 00:21:46,181 --> 00:21:48,517 Well... Well, I... [STAMMERS] I don't know. 422 00:21:48,517 --> 00:21:50,644 I've misread signals from women before, but... 423 00:21:50,644 --> 00:21:52,198 I mean, how do you tell if a girl likes you 424 00:21:52,199 --> 00:21:53,772 or is just being nice to you? 425 00:21:53,772 --> 00:21:54,940 [BOTH] You can't. 426 00:21:55,983 --> 00:21:58,861 But there is one surefire way to find out. 427 00:21:59,444 --> 00:22:00,863 - Right. - Ask her out. 428 00:22:00,863 --> 00:22:03,156 No, I can't... No, I can't... [CHUCKLES] Can't do that. No. 429 00:22:03,156 --> 00:22:05,409 [SCOFFS] Come on, what is the worst that could happen? 430 00:22:05,409 --> 00:22:07,327 Well, that she laughs in my face and says no. 431 00:22:07,327 --> 00:22:09,162 And that I scurry away, humiliated, 432 00:22:09,162 --> 00:22:11,456 never to be allowed in my favorite restaurant ever again. 433 00:22:11,456 --> 00:22:13,750 So that next time we have some kind of family celebration, 434 00:22:13,750 --> 00:22:16,253 I'll just have to, you know, sit on the pavement outside 435 00:22:16,253 --> 00:22:17,462 eating takeaway fish and chips, 436 00:22:17,462 --> 00:22:20,465 watching you through the window like some Dickensian street urchin. 437 00:22:21,049 --> 00:22:22,050 Oh, my God. 438 00:22:22,926 --> 00:22:26,346 He's just like Dad. You have to show him the map. 439 00:22:26,346 --> 00:22:28,515 No, your father would kill me. 440 00:22:28,515 --> 00:22:30,893 - Show him the map. - What map? 441 00:22:35,939 --> 00:22:38,692 Your father and I went to school together for years, 442 00:22:39,193 --> 00:22:43,530 but I didn't think he even knew I existed, until he gave me this. 443 00:22:47,743 --> 00:22:52,372 "Distance between the places that we were born, 4,125 miles. 444 00:22:52,372 --> 00:22:56,001 Distance between the places that we were raised, 4,230 miles. 445 00:22:56,585 --> 00:23:00,422 Distance between our dorms on campus, 1.3 miles. 446 00:23:00,422 --> 00:23:04,927 Distance between us on Friday night at 8:00 p.m., hopefully one foot. 447 00:23:04,927 --> 00:23:06,553 Would you like to go on a date?" 448 00:23:08,222 --> 00:23:09,848 - [NATHAN CHUCKLES] - [NICOLE EXHALES DEEPLY] 449 00:23:09,848 --> 00:23:11,141 Stop waiting, Nathan. 450 00:23:11,141 --> 00:23:14,144 Yes, you could fail and be embarrassed for a second. 451 00:23:14,144 --> 00:23:17,856 But you could also get married, have two wonderful children 452 00:23:18,357 --> 00:23:21,276 - and live happily ever after. - [NATHAN CHUCKLES] 453 00:23:21,276 --> 00:23:23,403 [DOOR UNLOCKS, OPENS] 454 00:23:23,403 --> 00:23:25,113 - Oh, shit. - [SOPHIA, LLOYD] We're back. 455 00:23:26,031 --> 00:23:27,449 Quick, distract him. 456 00:23:27,449 --> 00:23:29,535 ["WHAT WOULD I DO WITHOUT YOU" PLAYING] 457 00:23:52,015 --> 00:23:55,310 [REPORTER 1] ... that is carrying a large group of refugees, 458 00:23:55,310 --> 00:23:56,817 including several women and children, 459 00:23:56,818 --> 00:24:00,482 who are hoping to claim asylum in the UK. 460 00:24:00,482 --> 00:24:02,150 - What's going on? - [SHUSHES] 461 00:24:02,150 --> 00:24:03,485 [REPORTER 1] ... in Portsmouth. 462 00:24:03,485 --> 00:24:05,571 [REPORTER 2] The boat is now kilometers from Portsmouth Harbor, 463 00:24:06,071 --> 00:24:09,283 where its passengers, dozens of refugees, hope to find sanctuary. 464 00:24:09,283 --> 00:24:11,743 Hundreds of supporters await their arrival. 465 00:24:11,743 --> 00:24:16,039 While others, such as Home Secretary Brinda Barot, had this to say. 466 00:24:16,039 --> 00:24:20,669 To anyone attempting to enter our country illegally, I say this. 467 00:24:21,420 --> 00:24:23,714 "Go home. Britain is closed." 468 00:24:23,714 --> 00:24:25,465 [REPORTER 1] Over the last few days... 469 00:24:25,465 --> 00:24:27,968 - What a stupid idiot. Mmm. - What a piece of shit. 470 00:24:28,552 --> 00:24:31,054 You know, someone needs to send her back to where she came from. 471 00:24:31,054 --> 00:24:33,849 - Her mother's butthole. Right? - [STAFF] Yes, Chef! 472 00:24:33,849 --> 00:24:37,060 Or somebody could try and speak to the better angels 473 00:24:37,060 --> 00:24:38,937 of this clearly misguided person. 474 00:24:47,654 --> 00:24:49,907 - [SIMI] Bitch. - What? 475 00:24:50,490 --> 00:24:53,410 It should say, "Help make Britain better than this bitch." 476 00:24:58,665 --> 00:25:00,209 I... I think I'll stick with mine. 477 00:25:01,126 --> 00:25:02,127 Yeah. 478 00:25:02,836 --> 00:25:05,464 [PEDESTRIANS CHATTERING] 479 00:25:12,971 --> 00:25:14,056 - Hi. - [JADE] Hello there. 480 00:25:14,056 --> 00:25:15,307 [SIGHS] Nate. 481 00:25:15,307 --> 00:25:19,353 Um, there's something that I wanted to ask you. Um, would you... 482 00:25:23,398 --> 00:25:24,775 Excuse me one m-moment. 483 00:25:27,069 --> 00:25:28,487 So... So sorry. Sorry. 484 00:25:33,700 --> 00:25:34,785 [DOOR CREAKS SHUT] 485 00:25:34,785 --> 00:25:37,246 [BREATHING SHAKILY] 486 00:25:51,885 --> 00:25:54,429 Actually, there's, uh, one thing I need to do first. Sorry. 487 00:26:03,272 --> 00:26:05,524 Whistle. Whistle. Bring it in. 488 00:26:05,524 --> 00:26:07,192 [PLAYERS PANTING, GROANING] 489 00:26:09,027 --> 00:26:11,446 - [TED] All right, fellas. How y'all feeling? - [PLAYERS GROAN, CHATTER] 490 00:26:11,446 --> 00:26:12,656 - [RETCHES] - [TED] Oh. 491 00:26:12,656 --> 00:26:14,533 - Ah. - [BAZ CHUCKLES] 492 00:26:14,533 --> 00:26:16,910 Bumbercatch, did you just puke whole Cheerios? 493 00:26:16,910 --> 00:26:19,872 Yes, Coach. I like to eat my breakfast without chewing. 494 00:26:20,372 --> 00:26:23,876 To conserve my energy in case an impending class war breaks out. 495 00:26:23,876 --> 00:26:25,460 Yeah, no, makes sense. I get it. Yeah. 496 00:26:25,460 --> 00:26:29,089 Uh, all right, gentlemen, today we are gonna focus on versatility. 497 00:26:29,089 --> 00:26:31,800 Now, in Total Football, you gotta constantly be asking yourself, 498 00:26:31,800 --> 00:26:34,261 "What does this situation need right now?" 499 00:26:34,261 --> 00:26:37,556 You know, do I need to drop back and replace Jan Maas on defense? 500 00:26:37,556 --> 00:26:39,850 Or... Or, you know, should I attack like Jamie? 501 00:26:39,850 --> 00:26:42,352 Or, you know, or do I lend Roy here a piece of gum 502 00:26:42,352 --> 00:26:43,729 because his breath smells like dookie? 503 00:26:43,729 --> 00:26:45,730 [CHUCKLES] Completely hypothetical. 504 00:26:45,731 --> 00:26:46,940 Don't worry. You're fine, you're fine. 505 00:26:46,940 --> 00:26:49,985 All right? You gotta be able to jump in anywhere at any time. 506 00:26:49,985 --> 00:26:52,446 And the way to do that well is to understand 507 00:26:52,446 --> 00:26:56,700 and appreciate everyone's position and every position's function. 508 00:26:56,700 --> 00:27:00,746 That's why we got our man, Beard, replacing Will today as our kitman. 509 00:27:04,124 --> 00:27:06,418 Yeah. So when we get out here and we scrimmage, 510 00:27:06,418 --> 00:27:09,171 y'all are gonna be swapping positions with someone else. Yeah? 511 00:27:09,671 --> 00:27:12,549 Uh, for example, you know, Isaac, we're gonna move you up to forward. 512 00:27:12,549 --> 00:27:15,010 And Dani, we're gonna drop you back to defense. Got it? 513 00:27:15,010 --> 00:27:16,470 I'm gonna be Dani Rojas? 514 00:27:16,470 --> 00:27:19,389 [STAMMERS] That's right, Isaac. And Dani is gonna be you. Make sense? 515 00:27:19,389 --> 00:27:21,517 We're gonna fuck 'em up, bruv. [BREATHES HEAVILY] 516 00:27:21,517 --> 00:27:23,101 Ay, Dios mios. 517 00:27:23,101 --> 00:27:24,645 Y'all don't need to do the voices. 518 00:27:24,645 --> 00:27:26,980 - [PLAYERS] Aw! Come on. - Okay, all right. Y'all can do the voices. 519 00:27:26,980 --> 00:27:28,857 - [PLAYERS CHUCKLING] Yeah. - [TED MUMBLES] 520 00:27:28,857 --> 00:27:30,192 You go ahead, Roy. Help 'em out here. 521 00:27:30,192 --> 00:27:32,945 Roy's gonna be handing out paper that's got someone's name on it. 522 00:27:32,945 --> 00:27:35,405 That's the name of the person you're gonna do the swaparoo with. 523 00:27:35,405 --> 00:27:37,032 - Everybody understand? - [PLAYERS] Yes, Coach. 524 00:27:37,032 --> 00:27:38,784 All right, good. Coach, I miss anything? 525 00:27:38,784 --> 00:27:42,204 - That's it, baby. Let's go! - All right, let's do it. You heard him. 526 00:27:42,204 --> 00:27:43,330 [BLOWS WHISTLE] 527 00:27:46,166 --> 00:27:47,751 Here we go, boys. Here we go. 528 00:28:00,889 --> 00:28:02,933 - There you go, Coach. - Oh. Thank you, Coach. 529 00:28:02,933 --> 00:28:06,603 Hey, Coach. Uh, there's been a mistake. I got me. 530 00:28:06,603 --> 00:28:08,105 Oh, no, Jamie, that's not a mistake. 531 00:28:08,105 --> 00:28:10,482 We just figured you'd wanna keep doing what you do best for us. 532 00:28:10,482 --> 00:28:13,068 Playing striker and scoring goals, right? [CHUCKLES] 533 00:28:14,486 --> 00:28:16,989 [CHUCKLES] Uh, yeah. 534 00:28:16,989 --> 00:28:19,241 - Yeah, uh, if you want, yeah. - [TED] Great. 535 00:28:22,828 --> 00:28:24,329 - Okay. - Have fun out there. 536 00:28:24,329 --> 00:28:25,329 [JAMIE] Yeah. 537 00:28:28,250 --> 00:28:30,377 [WHISTLES] That is yummy. What is this? 538 00:28:30,377 --> 00:28:31,795 - Water. - Mmm. 539 00:28:32,337 --> 00:28:35,132 - [THIERRY] I'm wide. - [PLAYERS SHOUTING] Let's go! Let's go! 540 00:28:37,467 --> 00:28:38,677 [THIERRY GRUNTS] 541 00:28:39,386 --> 00:28:41,722 [THIERRY LAUGHS] 542 00:28:41,722 --> 00:28:44,933 Nice try, Van Damme. You tried your best, and we love you. 543 00:28:45,876 --> 00:28:46,935 Baz, what are you doing? 544 00:28:46,935 --> 00:28:48,729 I'm switching positions with Paul. 545 00:28:48,729 --> 00:28:51,857 You know, unwavering positivity. 546 00:28:52,482 --> 00:28:54,484 Nice job with the water bottles, Coach Beard. 547 00:28:57,571 --> 00:28:58,906 You fucking twats! 548 00:28:59,489 --> 00:29:02,951 [SIGHS] I don't like it. I actually prefer to be me. 549 00:29:02,951 --> 00:29:05,329 [PLAYERS CHATTERING] 550 00:29:05,329 --> 00:29:07,414 - [WHISTLE BLOWS] - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold up. Hold up. 551 00:29:07,414 --> 00:29:10,584 Dani. Come on, now. You're a center back, remember? 552 00:29:10,584 --> 00:29:13,128 That ain't your job taking corners. That's what Isaac does now. 553 00:29:13,128 --> 00:29:15,464 - Right. Right, Coach. - [TED] Isaac, come on, man. You're up. 554 00:29:15,464 --> 00:29:16,673 - [PLAYER] All right, Isaac. - Let's go. 555 00:29:16,673 --> 00:29:18,467 - [PLAYER] You've got this, bruv. - All right, now. 556 00:29:18,467 --> 00:29:20,260 Coach, I ain't never taken a corner before. 557 00:29:20,260 --> 00:29:23,305 No, I know. That's 'cause you were put into a box, Isaac. 558 00:29:23,305 --> 00:29:24,346 As a ten-year-old little boy 559 00:29:24,347 --> 00:29:27,267 with the strength and facial hair of a grown man. 560 00:29:27,809 --> 00:29:31,146 The box of a center back who was never allowed to take a corner kick. 561 00:29:31,146 --> 00:29:34,525 Well, my friend, that box ceases to exist today. 562 00:29:35,067 --> 00:29:36,485 Yeah? Go on. 563 00:29:37,194 --> 00:29:38,570 What do you want me to do? 564 00:29:38,570 --> 00:29:40,906 I don't know. Just kick the hell out of it. 565 00:29:41,698 --> 00:29:43,325 [CHUCKLES] Okay. 566 00:29:44,201 --> 00:29:46,703 [PLAYERS CHATTERING] 567 00:29:50,666 --> 00:29:53,377 [HUMMING A TUNE] 568 00:29:53,377 --> 00:29:54,628 - [LOUD BANG] - [CUP, SAUCER CLATTER] 569 00:29:54,628 --> 00:29:56,004 [EXCLAIMS] 570 00:29:56,839 --> 00:29:58,173 - [PLAYERS MURMURING] - [SAM MUMBLES] 571 00:29:58,173 --> 00:30:01,093 Ow, ho... hot! Hot tea. Ow. 572 00:30:01,093 --> 00:30:02,845 [SAM LAUGHS] 573 00:30:06,473 --> 00:30:08,141 Just a bit outside. 574 00:30:11,812 --> 00:30:14,022 [SAM EXHALES SHARPLY, BREATHES DEEPLY] 575 00:30:14,022 --> 00:30:16,108 [PLAYERS CHATTERING] 576 00:30:30,414 --> 00:30:32,416 [PLAYERS CHATTERING] 577 00:30:41,550 --> 00:30:43,719 [CHUCKLES] 578 00:30:44,303 --> 00:30:48,432 Ted. I just want to make sure I have this right. 579 00:30:48,432 --> 00:30:51,685 You're gonna change tactics at this stage in the season 580 00:30:51,685 --> 00:30:53,770 and replace it with a totally new method 581 00:30:53,770 --> 00:30:56,732 that the boys are clearly struggling to understand. 582 00:30:57,566 --> 00:30:59,234 And you think this is a good idea? 583 00:30:59,234 --> 00:31:01,403 Mmm. Well, Trent, the way I see it, 584 00:31:01,403 --> 00:31:04,239 it's kind of like taking a hike with Robert Frost. 585 00:31:04,239 --> 00:31:06,241 It could go either way. Hmm? 586 00:31:09,369 --> 00:31:10,370 [INHALES SHARPLY] 587 00:31:14,958 --> 00:31:17,628 - Get the fuck out of my chair. - Yeah, no, of course. Sorry. [GRUNTS] 588 00:31:17,628 --> 00:31:20,339 ["SHOEGAZE" PLAYING] 589 00:31:34,019 --> 00:31:36,021 [PEOPLE ON STREET CHATTERING] 590 00:31:46,615 --> 00:31:47,824 [KEELEY CHUCKLES] 591 00:31:51,620 --> 00:31:53,205 [GASPS] Oh, my God. 592 00:32:01,338 --> 00:32:05,050 Okay, Greyhounds. Today we're talking about number three, awareness. 593 00:32:05,050 --> 00:32:06,677 When you play Total Football, 594 00:32:06,677 --> 00:32:09,388 you gotta know what your teammates are doing at all times. 595 00:32:09,388 --> 00:32:13,225 Constant movement requires constant concentration, yeah? 596 00:32:13,225 --> 00:32:16,270 So if Sam makes a run through the center, y'all gotta shift, right? 597 00:32:16,270 --> 00:32:18,814 And if Dani moves back on defense, that means what? 598 00:32:18,814 --> 00:32:21,024 - Hell has frozen over? - [PLAYERS CHUCKLING] 599 00:32:21,024 --> 00:32:22,317 No, it means you've gotta move up 600 00:32:22,317 --> 00:32:24,486 - and support Dani's choice. - [PLAYERS MUMBLE] 601 00:32:24,486 --> 00:32:26,154 Okay, any questions so far? 602 00:32:26,154 --> 00:32:28,156 Uh, yeah, Coach. What's with the red string? 603 00:32:28,156 --> 00:32:29,741 [TED] Ah, great question. 604 00:32:29,741 --> 00:32:33,245 In Japanese culture, they have a myth where they believe 605 00:32:33,245 --> 00:32:37,207 that all soulmates are connected by an invisible red string. 606 00:32:37,207 --> 00:32:40,961 And those strings are attached to each of their little fingers. Hmm? 607 00:32:41,920 --> 00:32:44,673 Okay, so why is it tied around our dicks? 608 00:32:44,673 --> 00:32:46,800 [PLAYERS MUTTERING] Yeah. 609 00:32:48,969 --> 00:32:50,888 Yeah. Well, you know, that was Roy's idea. 610 00:32:50,888 --> 00:32:53,473 Uh, but I'm pretty sure the thought behind it is that 611 00:32:53,473 --> 00:32:54,567 it is nearly impossible 612 00:32:54,568 --> 00:32:56,518 to not be fully aware of what your teammate's doing 613 00:32:56,518 --> 00:32:58,645 when y'all got a rope tied around your dingdong. 614 00:32:59,271 --> 00:33:00,397 Am I right about that, Roy? 615 00:33:00,397 --> 00:33:02,274 Yeah. Something like that. 616 00:33:03,400 --> 00:33:05,027 Okay, great. Uh, yeah. 617 00:33:05,027 --> 00:33:06,164 So we gonna get after this right now, 618 00:33:06,165 --> 00:33:08,197 gonna do a full scrimmage at half speed. 619 00:33:08,197 --> 00:33:10,782 And I don't wanna see them strings get too loose. 620 00:33:10,782 --> 00:33:13,160 And I'll leave it up to y'all to make sure they don't get too tight. 621 00:33:13,160 --> 00:33:15,370 - Do not leave my side. - [SAM CHUCKLES] 622 00:33:15,370 --> 00:33:16,663 Shall we? [BLOWS WHISTLE] 623 00:33:16,663 --> 00:33:18,332 [COACH BEARD] "Dicks" on three. One, two, three. 624 00:33:18,332 --> 00:33:20,042 - [PLAYERS] Dicks. - Come on, let's move. 625 00:33:20,042 --> 00:33:23,170 - [CHUCKLES] - ["CENTERFIELD" PLAYING] 626 00:33:23,170 --> 00:33:25,631 Figure it out! This is what we're doing. 627 00:33:26,173 --> 00:33:29,218 - [LAUGHING] - [PLAYERS GROANING, CHATTERING] 628 00:33:34,431 --> 00:33:36,683 [PLAYERS SHOUTING] 629 00:33:43,524 --> 00:33:45,359 [PLAYER] Ow, ow, ow, ow. 630 00:33:45,359 --> 00:33:49,071 - [JAMIE] Fucking hell. Look at me, man. - [PLAYER] Ow! [GROANS] 631 00:33:49,071 --> 00:33:50,614 I'm attacking. I'm attacking. 632 00:33:50,614 --> 00:33:52,157 [COLIN] I'm defending. I'm defending. 633 00:33:53,408 --> 00:33:56,119 Whoa. [STAMMERS] Ja... Ja... Jan! Jan, Jan, Jan, Jan, Jan, Jan! 634 00:33:57,913 --> 00:33:59,748 Look what Kent gave me. In case we wanted to... 635 00:33:59,748 --> 00:34:00,874 - No. - No fucking way. 636 00:34:01,375 --> 00:34:02,459 [PLAYER SHRIEKS] 637 00:34:03,293 --> 00:34:06,171 - You wanna give him a little space, Dani. - Sorry, Coach, I am too scared. 638 00:34:10,926 --> 00:34:12,386 Bro, do you wanna... 639 00:34:16,806 --> 00:34:19,643 [CHATTERING, EXCLAIMS] 640 00:34:20,226 --> 00:34:21,226 [GASPS] 641 00:34:21,645 --> 00:34:22,896 - [PAUL CHUCKLES] - [SPECTATORS] Ooh. 642 00:34:24,940 --> 00:34:26,275 [GASPS] 643 00:34:32,656 --> 00:34:34,533 [BREATHING SHAKILY] 644 00:34:40,706 --> 00:34:43,292 - It's okay. His penis is okay. - [SIGHING] 645 00:34:44,126 --> 00:34:45,627 - [PLAYER] Oh, my God. - [SIGHING] 646 00:34:45,627 --> 00:34:47,629 [PLAYER] I thought I just ripped Jamie's knob off. 647 00:34:47,629 --> 00:34:48,630 [WHISTLE BLOWS] 648 00:34:48,631 --> 00:34:49,631 - [PLAYERS GROAN] - Ooh. 649 00:34:49,647 --> 00:34:50,716 [ROY CHUCKLING] 650 00:34:50,716 --> 00:34:54,344 Oh. I'm sorry. I'm sorry about that. 651 00:34:55,762 --> 00:34:57,431 - Okay. - [TRENT SIGHS] 652 00:34:59,266 --> 00:35:01,268 [PLAYERS CHATTERING] 653 00:35:12,321 --> 00:35:14,072 [PLAYERS CHATTERING] 654 00:35:14,072 --> 00:35:15,157 [SAM CLICKS TONGUE] 655 00:35:24,416 --> 00:35:26,418 [PLAYERS CHATTERING, LAUGHING] 656 00:35:47,481 --> 00:35:48,482 [SIGHS] 657 00:35:55,331 --> 00:35:56,365 [CHUCKLES] 658 00:35:56,365 --> 00:35:58,909 ["YOU'VE REALLY GOT A HOLD ON ME" PLAYING] 659 00:36:07,125 --> 00:36:08,502 [SQUEALS] Hi! 660 00:36:08,502 --> 00:36:10,587 Hi. [KISSES] 661 00:36:11,505 --> 00:36:14,466 Oh, sorry that I am late. 662 00:36:14,466 --> 00:36:16,677 I'm in no rush. I got you something. 663 00:36:16,677 --> 00:36:17,928 I don't want it. 664 00:36:18,495 --> 00:36:19,513 Sorry. 665 00:36:19,513 --> 00:36:20,785 I'm sure whatever it is, 666 00:36:20,786 --> 00:36:23,642 it is incredibly thoughtful and mind-blowingly generous. 667 00:36:23,942 --> 00:36:25,018 But I don't want it. 668 00:36:25,018 --> 00:36:27,396 - Keeley, I just got you a... - No, I don't even wanna know what it is. 669 00:36:27,396 --> 00:36:29,273 No. I just wanna hang out one time 670 00:36:29,273 --> 00:36:31,525 where it doesn't feel like you're sweeping me off my feet. 671 00:36:31,525 --> 00:36:33,610 Okay. Sorry for sweeping you off your feet. 672 00:36:33,610 --> 00:36:35,237 No. Hey, I didn't mean... 673 00:36:35,237 --> 00:36:39,658 No, no. It's okay. I get it. It's, uh, absolutely what I'm doing. 674 00:36:39,658 --> 00:36:44,288 I'm coming on too fast or too strong, I'm... I'm sorry. I'll back off. 675 00:36:44,288 --> 00:36:46,832 - But just a little bit. - [CHUCKLES] 676 00:36:47,541 --> 00:36:51,545 It was a croissant. I got you a croissant. 677 00:36:51,545 --> 00:36:54,506 - Oh. [CHUCKLES] - [CHUCKLES] 678 00:36:56,008 --> 00:36:58,218 Oi. You're incredible. 679 00:36:58,802 --> 00:37:01,597 But you've gotta let me do something for you every once in a while. 680 00:37:03,182 --> 00:37:04,182 Deal. 681 00:37:05,100 --> 00:37:06,143 Thank you. 682 00:37:08,061 --> 00:37:11,857 But it better be fucking amazing. [CHUCKLES] 683 00:37:17,404 --> 00:37:18,780 It's the last one, I s... I swear. 684 00:37:21,325 --> 00:37:22,534 Verdict? 685 00:37:22,534 --> 00:37:24,494 It's a really, really good croissant. 686 00:37:24,494 --> 00:37:25,787 [CHUCKLES] 687 00:37:31,251 --> 00:37:32,503 [CAR HORN HONKS] 688 00:37:41,678 --> 00:37:42,804 [GRUNTS] 689 00:37:42,804 --> 00:37:44,389 - [GRUNTS] - [GASPS] 690 00:37:46,683 --> 00:37:47,683 [SIGHS] 691 00:37:52,064 --> 00:37:53,064 [GASPS] 692 00:38:03,951 --> 00:38:05,410 Would you like to go on a date with me? 693 00:38:06,036 --> 00:38:07,246 Yes. 694 00:38:08,997 --> 00:38:11,875 Good. Good. 695 00:38:13,752 --> 00:38:16,088 There wasn't anything alive in there, was there? 696 00:38:16,672 --> 00:38:19,424 Oh, no. No, no. [CHUCKLES] No, not at all. 697 00:38:20,467 --> 00:38:21,635 If you say so. 698 00:38:35,524 --> 00:38:36,775 [GLASS CRUNCHES] 699 00:38:36,775 --> 00:38:39,403 ["DOOMED" PLAYING] 700 00:38:45,784 --> 00:38:47,160 [GLASS CRUNCHING UNDERFOOT] 701 00:39:27,993 --> 00:39:29,119 [CUTLERY CLATTERS] 702 00:39:41,006 --> 00:39:43,425 - [LAUGHS] - [PLAYERS CHATTERING] 703 00:39:45,344 --> 00:39:46,344 There you go, sir. 704 00:39:47,054 --> 00:39:48,055 [GRUNTS, STRAINS] 705 00:40:01,193 --> 00:40:02,402 I've given this a lot of thought. 706 00:40:02,986 --> 00:40:04,100 Next time we do this drill, 707 00:40:04,101 --> 00:40:08,986 we tie multiple guys' dicks to one guy's dick. 708 00:40:09,493 --> 00:40:10,577 Yeah? 709 00:40:13,288 --> 00:40:14,706 That was a one-shot deal, Roy. 710 00:40:14,706 --> 00:40:17,292 Yeah, I'm pretty sure we cooked that whole bird already, Coach. 711 00:40:17,292 --> 00:40:19,211 Huh. Shame. 712 00:40:20,754 --> 00:40:23,090 - So, Ted. - Hmm? 713 00:40:23,090 --> 00:40:25,008 - This number four. - Yes, sir. 714 00:40:25,008 --> 00:40:27,594 - You haven't said what it is yet. - No, ma'am. 715 00:40:27,594 --> 00:40:31,056 - But you know what it is? - I don't actually. Mm-mmm. 716 00:40:31,056 --> 00:40:32,474 - What about you, Coach? - I'm agnostic. 717 00:40:32,474 --> 00:40:34,393 - Mm-hmm. Roy? - I don't fucking know. 718 00:40:35,018 --> 00:40:36,645 Number four has yet to reveal itself. 719 00:40:36,645 --> 00:40:37,855 There is no number four? 720 00:40:37,855 --> 00:40:39,314 Like the man once said, 721 00:40:39,314 --> 00:40:42,025 "Sometimes you gotta leave space to let God walk into the room." 722 00:40:42,025 --> 00:40:43,819 Ah. So, number four is God? 723 00:40:43,819 --> 00:40:45,529 Oh, no. I don't think so. Coach? 724 00:40:45,529 --> 00:40:47,197 - I'm an atheist. - Mm-hmm. Roy? 725 00:40:47,197 --> 00:40:49,283 - I fucking hope not. - Mmm. 726 00:40:49,283 --> 00:40:51,118 - [PLAYERS CHATTERING] - [DOOR OPENS] 727 00:40:51,118 --> 00:40:52,813 [ISAAC] Oi, man, you're ten minutes late, yeah? 728 00:40:52,814 --> 00:40:53,996 That's gonna be a hundo, all right? 729 00:40:55,998 --> 00:40:57,124 The fuck's wrong with you? 730 00:40:57,124 --> 00:40:58,542 I'll tell you what's wrong. 731 00:40:58,542 --> 00:41:01,378 The world is full of evil people who do shitty things. 732 00:41:01,378 --> 00:41:03,797 But I can't deal with that because I have to kick a little ball around. 733 00:41:03,797 --> 00:41:05,257 [BREATHING HEAVILY] 734 00:41:05,257 --> 00:41:07,801 W-Which those same people love me for! 735 00:41:08,635 --> 00:41:11,972 That is until I fuck up or... or I miss a penalty. 736 00:41:11,972 --> 00:41:14,266 Or... Or... Or I... I decide to fight back... [STAMMERS] 737 00:41:14,266 --> 00:41:15,700 ... and then they're just gonna wanna ship me back 738 00:41:15,701 --> 00:41:17,102 wherever I fucking came from. 739 00:41:17,102 --> 00:41:19,438 - [SAM'S FATHER] Samuel! - [SAM BREATHING SHAKILY] 740 00:41:24,026 --> 00:41:25,861 [CRYING] 741 00:41:37,998 --> 00:41:39,208 It's okay. 742 00:41:42,961 --> 00:41:44,713 You know, I still want to go see it. 743 00:41:44,713 --> 00:41:47,257 No. No, no, no. I... I can't take you there. 744 00:41:47,257 --> 00:41:48,967 No. Not the way it looks now. 745 00:41:49,593 --> 00:41:51,887 Do you know how long it will take you to reopen? 746 00:41:52,763 --> 00:41:54,139 I don't know if I will. 747 00:41:54,139 --> 00:41:56,141 - Samuel. - What? 748 00:41:56,141 --> 00:42:00,020 W-Why? For who? Just so somebody can go and trash it again. 749 00:42:00,020 --> 00:42:01,939 You do it for yourself. 750 00:42:03,023 --> 00:42:04,399 For your friend Simi. 751 00:42:05,067 --> 00:42:08,111 For all those people who want a taste of home when they are away. 752 00:42:09,363 --> 00:42:10,989 Follow your heart, Samuel. 753 00:42:10,989 --> 00:42:13,033 Anger will only weaken you. 754 00:42:14,159 --> 00:42:15,744 Yeah. Okay. 755 00:42:16,245 --> 00:42:19,289 But if you really want to piss off the people who did this, 756 00:42:20,582 --> 00:42:21,625 forgive them. 757 00:42:21,625 --> 00:42:22,835 What? 758 00:42:22,835 --> 00:42:25,629 Forgive them. [WHISTLES, SPLUTTERS] Big whoop. 759 00:42:25,629 --> 00:42:28,173 - Big whoop? - Big whoop. [WHISTLES, SPLUTTERS] 760 00:42:28,173 --> 00:42:29,508 [SAM CHUCKLES] 761 00:42:30,342 --> 00:42:33,554 My son, listen to me. 762 00:42:34,221 --> 00:42:38,433 Don't fight back. Fight forward. 763 00:42:40,561 --> 00:42:41,770 [SAM CHUCKLES] 764 00:42:43,021 --> 00:42:45,023 - Thank you, Daddy. - [GRUNTS] 765 00:42:45,023 --> 00:42:48,861 - [SAM'S FATHER CHUCKLES, SIGHS] - [SAM CHUCKLES] 766 00:42:49,987 --> 00:42:51,905 Do you think I should invest in security cameras? 767 00:42:51,905 --> 00:42:54,032 - Hell yes. And gates. - [SIGHS] 768 00:42:54,032 --> 00:42:55,868 - [CHUCKLES] - Please tell me you have insurance. 769 00:42:55,868 --> 00:42:56,910 I have insurance. 770 00:42:56,910 --> 00:43:00,330 [SIGHS] Thank God. Otherwise, your mother would have killed me. 771 00:43:00,330 --> 00:43:02,207 - Ooh. [CHUCKLES] - [LAUGHS] 772 00:43:02,207 --> 00:43:05,127 - [SAM] Are you gonna have any trouble? - [SAM'S FATHER] No. Insurance! 773 00:43:05,127 --> 00:43:07,421 [BOTH CHUCKLE] 774 00:43:07,421 --> 00:43:09,298 Hey. I'm sorry to interrupt y'all. 775 00:43:09,298 --> 00:43:11,300 Um, Sam, we're getting ready to start out there. 776 00:43:12,134 --> 00:43:15,095 But, you know, if you wanna sit out today, I totally understand. 777 00:43:15,679 --> 00:43:18,056 - Thank you, Coach. - No, he's going to practice. 778 00:43:20,726 --> 00:43:23,437 - Okay. Well, you better go change then. - I'm getting ready to change. 779 00:43:24,146 --> 00:43:26,315 Uh-huh. Okay. [CHUCKLES] 780 00:43:26,899 --> 00:43:28,400 It's really nice to finally meet you, sir. 781 00:43:28,400 --> 00:43:29,776 - You too. - [CHUCKLES] 782 00:43:30,485 --> 00:43:32,362 You know, I almost wore that exact same thing today. 783 00:43:32,362 --> 00:43:35,324 - [LAUGHS] Funny guy. Funny guy. [LAUGHS] - [CHUCKLES] 784 00:43:35,324 --> 00:43:37,659 - Hey, you like American candy? - Who doesn't? 785 00:43:37,659 --> 00:43:39,328 Yeah. Come on. It's got that bad sugar. 786 00:43:39,328 --> 00:43:43,207 - Yeah. High-fructose corn syrup. - That's too many words. I say "bad sugar." 787 00:43:43,207 --> 00:43:45,709 ["ALL RIGHT" PLAYING] 788 00:43:59,223 --> 00:44:00,849 [PLAYERS CHATTERING] 789 00:44:07,356 --> 00:44:09,399 [CROWD CHEERING] 790 00:44:10,025 --> 00:44:13,779 At the beginning, Rupert bought me so many tulips for so long, 791 00:44:13,779 --> 00:44:16,365 - his florist was able to buy a castle. - What? 792 00:44:16,365 --> 00:44:19,326 I mean, it was in Scunthorpe, but still. A castle. 793 00:44:19,752 --> 00:44:20,786 [SCOFFS] 794 00:44:20,786 --> 00:44:23,247 - Well, I'm taking Jack out tonight. - Mmm. 795 00:44:23,247 --> 00:44:25,749 And if she tries to pay, then I will give her... 796 00:44:25,749 --> 00:44:27,125 You'll give her what? 797 00:44:27,793 --> 00:44:28,877 Just the tip? 798 00:44:29,878 --> 00:44:32,005 [BOTH CHUCKLE] 799 00:44:32,005 --> 00:44:34,007 - Hello, everyone. - Hello, Leslie. 800 00:44:34,007 --> 00:44:35,926 May I present... 801 00:44:35,926 --> 00:44:38,011 Mr. Obisanya. Ah. 802 00:44:38,011 --> 00:44:40,889 Rebecca Welton. Lovely to finally meet you. 803 00:44:40,889 --> 00:44:43,684 Likewise. Samuel has told me so much about you. 804 00:44:44,710 --> 00:44:45,727 [CLICKS TONGUE] Has he? 805 00:44:45,727 --> 00:44:48,438 Yes. He... He has. 806 00:44:48,438 --> 00:44:49,857 Cool. 807 00:44:51,567 --> 00:44:52,943 [STAMMERS] 808 00:44:56,947 --> 00:44:58,991 Oh, yeah! Come on, you Greyhounds! 809 00:44:58,991 --> 00:45:00,951 - [KEELEY] Whoo! - Let's go Richmond! [CHUCKLES] 810 00:45:00,951 --> 00:45:02,911 - I'm Keeley, by the way. Hi. - [CHUCKLES] 811 00:45:02,911 --> 00:45:05,497 Hey. Let's... Let's go, Greyhounds. 812 00:45:05,497 --> 00:45:07,291 - [REBECCA CHEERS] - [KEELEY] Come on. 813 00:45:09,835 --> 00:45:12,838 - Bumber! Bumber! Shot! - [BUMBERCATCH] Push, man! 814 00:45:12,838 --> 00:45:14,631 Bumber! No. 815 00:45:15,591 --> 00:45:17,885 Richmond have been mired in a run of poor form, 816 00:45:17,885 --> 00:45:19,995 and you have to applaud Ted Lasso's efforts 817 00:45:19,996 --> 00:45:23,390 to try something new. But this... 818 00:45:23,390 --> 00:45:25,100 What's the word I'm looking for, Chris? 819 00:45:25,851 --> 00:45:28,854 "Sucks," Arlo. The word is "sucks." 820 00:45:28,854 --> 00:45:31,231 [ARLO] It's like they've never played the sport before. 821 00:45:31,231 --> 00:45:32,523 - [GRUNTS] - [ARLO] Good grief, 822 00:45:32,524 --> 00:45:34,318 they're tackling themselves now. 823 00:45:35,402 --> 00:45:37,529 With Richmond literally running into each other, 824 00:45:37,529 --> 00:45:39,156 the Gunners mount a counterattack. 825 00:45:39,156 --> 00:45:42,659 Here's a through ball to Parslow. Parslow over to Hamilton... 826 00:45:42,659 --> 00:45:43,911 - [CROWD CHEERS] - [ARLO] And he's there! 827 00:45:44,494 --> 00:45:47,748 Hamilton has his hat trick, and Arsenal leads 3-nil. 828 00:45:47,748 --> 00:45:49,499 - Fuck! - [CROWD CHEERING] 829 00:45:54,213 --> 00:45:55,506 [PLAYER CHEERS] 830 00:45:56,298 --> 00:45:57,299 Okay. 831 00:45:58,425 --> 00:45:59,510 It's all right. 832 00:45:59,510 --> 00:46:01,512 - [MAE SIGHS] - [CROWD CHEERING ON TV] 833 00:46:01,512 --> 00:46:03,305 [MAE STAMMERS] 834 00:46:04,848 --> 00:46:07,893 [GROANS] It's over. We're gonna get relegated again, 835 00:46:07,893 --> 00:46:10,938 and I'm gonna have to go back to filling the sausages with cardboard. 836 00:46:10,938 --> 00:46:11,939 - Patience, Mae. - [MAE SIGHS] 837 00:46:11,939 --> 00:46:13,774 Just need to give it some time. 838 00:46:13,774 --> 00:46:16,985 Ask yourself, what does this situation need? 839 00:46:16,985 --> 00:46:17,985 [WHISTLE BLOWS] 840 00:46:17,986 --> 00:46:20,364 [ARLO] And at the half, Arsenal have a three-goal lead, 841 00:46:20,364 --> 00:46:23,450 and Richmond have plenty to talk about. 842 00:46:23,450 --> 00:46:26,662 [CHRIS] Yeah, with fun conversation starters like, "Why are we so bad?" 843 00:46:26,662 --> 00:46:28,247 or "Should we just go home?" 844 00:46:28,247 --> 00:46:29,665 [PLAYERS CHATTERING] 845 00:46:31,166 --> 00:46:34,378 Jamie, you keep floating back, mate. 846 00:46:34,378 --> 00:46:35,671 You gotta stay up front. 847 00:46:35,671 --> 00:46:37,256 We need you to stretch the defense. 848 00:46:37,256 --> 00:46:39,925 - We need you to score a fucking goal. - [CLAMORING] 849 00:46:39,925 --> 00:46:41,927 [JAMIE] But how can we when we can't see anyone out there. 850 00:46:41,927 --> 00:46:44,721 There's no shame in going back to the good old 4-4-2. 851 00:46:44,721 --> 00:46:46,515 Until we've had more time to properly train. 852 00:46:46,515 --> 00:46:49,101 - Make you look like a prick. - [PLAYERS CHATTERING] 853 00:46:49,101 --> 00:46:51,436 [ISAAC] For fuck's sake. What's the matter with you anyway? 854 00:46:53,605 --> 00:46:55,232 Hey, fellas. Lis... Listen up here. 855 00:46:55,232 --> 00:46:56,358 [CHATTERING STOPS] 856 00:46:56,358 --> 00:46:59,528 Well, I remember back in the early days of my coaching career, 857 00:47:00,320 --> 00:47:03,365 feeling compelled to express my individuality. 858 00:47:03,991 --> 00:47:07,786 Since I was a straight fella in Middle America working in sports 859 00:47:07,786 --> 00:47:10,706 and I was scared of tattoo needles, 860 00:47:10,706 --> 00:47:13,333 the only real option for me to do so was through my facial hair. 861 00:47:14,209 --> 00:47:16,503 And, uh, obviously I couldn't grow a beard. 862 00:47:16,503 --> 00:47:19,339 Otherwise, Coach and I here would, uh, look like a ZZ Top cover band. 863 00:47:19,923 --> 00:47:22,259 - Would've been called "Sharp Dressed Men." - Ooh, that's nice. 864 00:47:22,259 --> 00:47:24,052 God, I hate what you've fucking done to me. 865 00:47:24,052 --> 00:47:27,806 Luckily, around that time there was this quartet of stand-up comedians 866 00:47:27,806 --> 00:47:30,058 known as the Blue Collar Comedy Tour. 867 00:47:30,058 --> 00:47:31,759 And along with their observational humor, 868 00:47:31,760 --> 00:47:34,479 fun banter and numerous catchphrases, 869 00:47:34,479 --> 00:47:37,399 they also possessed the four most common types of facial hair. 870 00:47:38,358 --> 00:47:40,402 Now, Ron White, who was my favorite, he was clean-shaven. 871 00:47:40,402 --> 00:47:41,820 That's one way to go. 872 00:47:41,820 --> 00:47:43,204 But then you had Larry the Cable Guy, 873 00:47:43,205 --> 00:47:46,074 and he had himself a big old, bushy goatee. 874 00:47:46,074 --> 00:47:48,327 [STAMMERS] And Bill Engvall, he also had a goatee actually. 875 00:47:48,327 --> 00:47:51,038 But it was, um, you know, smaller and, uh, more manicured. 876 00:47:51,038 --> 00:47:52,456 Not touching the sides here. 877 00:47:52,456 --> 00:47:54,541 - Also known as a Vandyke. - [TED] Thank you, Coach. 878 00:47:55,250 --> 00:47:58,128 And then you had Jeff Foxworthy of course, who, uh, had a mustache. 879 00:47:58,712 --> 00:48:01,131 So, check it out. I went ahead and rolled the dice 880 00:48:01,131 --> 00:48:04,718 and grew myself one of them big, bushy Cable Guy goatees. 881 00:48:04,718 --> 00:48:06,386 And I thought I looked great. 882 00:48:06,386 --> 00:48:10,224 Until Coach Beard here took me aside, 883 00:48:10,224 --> 00:48:11,892 right as I was about to walk down the aisle, 884 00:48:11,892 --> 00:48:14,311 and told me something I needed to hear. Remember what you said to me? 885 00:48:14,311 --> 00:48:17,231 "Your goatee makes it look like you ate out bigfoot's butthole." 886 00:48:17,231 --> 00:48:18,232 That's right. 887 00:48:18,232 --> 00:48:20,025 - AKA "ass-squatch." - You're on fire. 888 00:48:20,025 --> 00:48:21,693 - Make it stop. - [TED] No, no. 889 00:48:22,319 --> 00:48:25,447 Coach was right though. Not a good look. Not on this face. 890 00:48:26,907 --> 00:48:28,776 So I shaved that puppy down right into a Foxworthy, 891 00:48:28,777 --> 00:48:29,993 and I never looked back. 892 00:48:31,620 --> 00:48:32,746 Point is, a lot of times 893 00:48:32,746 --> 00:48:35,707 the right idea is just sitting behind a couple of the wrong ones. 894 00:48:36,542 --> 00:48:38,877 - Yeah? - [JAMIE] Hmm. [CLEARS THROATS] 895 00:48:38,877 --> 00:48:40,295 You got something you wanna say, Jamie? 896 00:48:40,295 --> 00:48:44,091 - Uh, I mean, yeah. But... [CHUCKLES] - Great. Let us have it. 897 00:48:44,091 --> 00:48:45,875 Well... [SIGHS] ... I don't want people to think 898 00:48:45,876 --> 00:48:47,344 I'm being a prick if I say it. 899 00:48:54,142 --> 00:48:55,352 [JAMIE] Ah. 900 00:48:55,352 --> 00:48:57,354 Okay. Well, then. 901 00:48:58,447 --> 00:48:59,481 I ain't doing it wrong. 902 00:48:59,481 --> 00:49:01,191 - You're doing it wrong. - Whoa! 903 00:49:01,191 --> 00:49:02,359 [PLAYERS CLAMORING] 904 00:49:02,359 --> 00:49:05,320 I mean... I mean... No, I mean, I think we're all doing it wrong. 905 00:49:06,405 --> 00:49:07,823 [STAMMERS] If we want this to work, 906 00:49:07,823 --> 00:49:11,994 you gotta stop going to me and start playing through me. You get me? 907 00:49:17,291 --> 00:49:19,376 Uh, look. Just look. Look. 908 00:49:19,376 --> 00:49:21,545 - Can I? Do you mind if I... Right. - Yeah, of course. 909 00:49:21,545 --> 00:49:24,715 So look, I sh... I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't be playing forward. 910 00:49:24,715 --> 00:49:26,967 I should be here, in the center. 911 00:49:32,264 --> 00:49:35,517 I should be here, right? Let Dani go up front. 912 00:49:35,517 --> 00:49:37,227 Move Colin over there. Richard there. 913 00:49:37,227 --> 00:49:41,982 So, stop going to me, right? And start going through me. All right? 914 00:49:42,941 --> 00:49:44,193 That's Total Football. 915 00:49:46,320 --> 00:49:47,571 How's that sound to y'all? 916 00:49:47,571 --> 00:49:50,115 - [SAM] That actually... actually works. - [PLAYERS MURMURING] 917 00:49:50,115 --> 00:49:54,494 And there it is. Número cuatro. Sacrifice. 918 00:49:54,494 --> 00:49:56,955 Putting aside personal glory on behalf of the team. 919 00:49:57,497 --> 00:50:00,083 Ooh. I like that. But that ain't number four. 920 00:50:00,083 --> 00:50:02,711 - Let's bring it in! Come on. - Let's go for "four" on three. 921 00:50:02,711 --> 00:50:05,255 - One, two, three... - [PLAYERS] Four! [CHEERING] 922 00:50:05,255 --> 00:50:07,508 [ARLO] The Greyhounds still 3-nil down, in this second half. 923 00:50:07,508 --> 00:50:09,760 They need something, and they need it soon. 924 00:50:09,760 --> 00:50:14,848 Arsenal's cross, easy for Van Damme. And Van Damme out to Jan Maas. 925 00:50:14,848 --> 00:50:16,350 Here we go. 926 00:50:16,350 --> 00:50:19,144 [ARLO] Here's Dixon. Infield to Tartt. 927 00:50:19,144 --> 00:50:21,730 Tartt to Obisanya. Over to Hughes. 928 00:50:21,730 --> 00:50:23,148 Tartt again. 929 00:50:23,148 --> 00:50:24,650 - To McAdoo in the midfield. - Oh. 930 00:50:24,650 --> 00:50:26,610 - Ooh. - [ARLO] Over to Rojas. 931 00:50:26,610 --> 00:50:28,695 Rojas drops it back to Tartt. 932 00:50:28,695 --> 00:50:30,906 Who sends a long ball down to Bumbercatch. 933 00:50:30,906 --> 00:50:33,367 - Huh? - [ARLO] Bumbercatch to Goodman. 934 00:50:33,367 --> 00:50:34,576 - Goodman over to Tartt... - Yeah. 935 00:50:34,576 --> 00:50:35,911 - [REBECCA GASPS] - [ARLO] ... in the box. 936 00:50:35,911 --> 00:50:37,579 Old Tartt with the back heel. 937 00:50:37,579 --> 00:50:39,790 - And Montlaur is there to hammer it in! - [CROWD CHEERING] 938 00:50:39,790 --> 00:50:40,874 [REBECCA SCREAMS] 939 00:50:42,000 --> 00:50:44,878 That was bloody gorgeous! 940 00:50:44,878 --> 00:50:48,130 A majestic, sweeping symphony of a goal 941 00:50:48,131 --> 00:50:50,878 with Tartt in the role of conductor. 942 00:50:51,343 --> 00:50:54,930 - [PLAYERS CHEERING] - Hey! All right! 943 00:50:55,430 --> 00:50:58,475 - That's it right there. - There we go. There we go! 944 00:50:58,976 --> 00:51:00,561 [KEELEY] Whoo! 945 00:51:01,144 --> 00:51:03,063 - [CHUCKLING] - Whoo! 946 00:51:03,063 --> 00:51:05,065 [ARLO] Arsenal prevails 3-1. 947 00:51:05,065 --> 00:51:06,662 But for the first time in weeks, 948 00:51:06,663 --> 00:51:09,530 the Greyhounds are showing signs of life. 949 00:51:14,366 --> 00:51:15,701 [PANTING] Ted. 950 00:51:17,077 --> 00:51:18,537 It's going to work. 951 00:51:18,537 --> 00:51:20,706 - Great. What is? - [PANTS] Total football. 952 00:51:20,706 --> 00:51:21,999 - Okay. Why? - And I'll tell you why. 953 00:51:21,999 --> 00:51:23,125 The Lasso way. 954 00:51:23,792 --> 00:51:25,752 - You haven't switched tactics in a week. - I haven't? 955 00:51:25,752 --> 00:51:28,213 - No. You've done this over three seasons. - I have? 956 00:51:28,213 --> 00:51:30,088 Yes. By slowly but surely building 957 00:51:30,089 --> 00:51:31,925 a club-wide culture of trust and support 958 00:51:31,925 --> 00:51:33,594 through thousands of imperceptible moments, 959 00:51:33,594 --> 00:51:36,221 all leading to their inevitable conclusion. 960 00:51:36,221 --> 00:51:38,098 - Total Football. - Well, how about that. 961 00:51:38,098 --> 00:51:40,726 [EXCLAIMS] It's gonna work. 962 00:51:42,519 --> 00:51:44,354 Doesn't even matter what number four is. [PANTS] 963 00:51:48,775 --> 00:51:50,652 What a fucking dork. 964 00:51:50,652 --> 00:51:53,739 Yeah. But he's our dork. 965 00:51:53,739 --> 00:51:55,157 [GROANS] 966 00:51:55,741 --> 00:51:56,742 Hmm. 967 00:51:56,742 --> 00:51:59,077 ["FIND SOMEONE LIKE YOU" PLAYING] 968 00:52:04,666 --> 00:52:05,666 [EXHALES DEEPLY] 969 00:52:09,713 --> 00:52:10,923 [SNIFFS] 970 00:52:22,643 --> 00:52:24,686 - Hey. 971 00:52:24,686 --> 00:52:25,854 - Hi. - All right to sit? 972 00:52:25,854 --> 00:52:27,689 Oh, of course. Yeah, um, take a seat. 973 00:52:27,689 --> 00:52:28,774 - [CHUCKLES] - [JADE] Thank you. 974 00:52:28,774 --> 00:52:31,610 Wow. Uh, you look great. Thank you for coming. [CHUCKLES] 975 00:52:31,610 --> 00:52:33,862 - Thank you for coming? [CHUCKLES] - You know... 976 00:52:33,862 --> 00:52:35,447 [JADE] Did you think I was gonna stand you up? 977 00:52:35,447 --> 00:52:37,991 No, no, no. Um, do you want a drink? Sorry, I ordered. 978 00:52:37,991 --> 00:52:40,077 - [JADE] No, that's fine. - [CHUCKLES] Just got nervous. Um... 979 00:52:40,077 --> 00:52:43,330 [DEREK] Please. Here we are, and there you go. 980 00:52:43,330 --> 00:52:47,501 Best table in the house. [CHUCKLES] As requested. 981 00:52:47,501 --> 00:52:49,419 [JACK, KEELEY CHUCKLE] 982 00:52:50,712 --> 00:52:54,341 - You little love bomber. [CHUCKLES] - [IMITATES EXPLOSION] 983 00:52:58,679 --> 00:53:01,014 I know it's not the outcome you wanted, 984 00:53:01,014 --> 00:53:03,976 but I'm very proud of the way you and your team played today. 985 00:53:04,852 --> 00:53:05,894 Thanks, Dad. 986 00:53:05,894 --> 00:53:07,896 Ah. And I met Rebecca. 987 00:53:07,896 --> 00:53:11,775 - Oh, no. Did you make things weird? - Yes. 988 00:53:11,775 --> 00:53:15,279 [BOTH CHUCKLE] 989 00:53:15,279 --> 00:53:17,614 [SAM'S FATHER SIGHS] 990 00:53:18,323 --> 00:53:19,324 [SAM SIGHS] 991 00:53:19,950 --> 00:53:22,953 - Do you want to go and see the restaurant? - I would love to. 992 00:53:29,251 --> 00:53:31,003 - I don't know, Dad, I wish... - [SIGHS] 993 00:53:31,003 --> 00:53:33,380 I wish you could've seen it when it was done up. It was perfect. 994 00:53:33,380 --> 00:53:34,548 This looks nice. 995 00:53:34,548 --> 00:53:37,259 - Daddy, it's not the same. - It isn't so bad. 996 00:53:47,853 --> 00:53:49,146 Yo, look who's here. 997 00:53:49,730 --> 00:53:51,481 - Oh! - Hey. 998 00:53:51,481 --> 00:53:53,775 Ah, the surprise is ruined. 999 00:53:53,775 --> 00:53:55,152 What are you guys doing here? 1000 00:53:55,152 --> 00:53:59,323 Well, we all just asked ourselves, "What does this situation need?" 1001 00:53:59,323 --> 00:54:01,283 And we thought your situation needed us. 1002 00:54:01,867 --> 00:54:04,161 Yeah, got my cousin to fix your window this morning. 1003 00:54:04,161 --> 00:54:06,455 Didn't get a discount though, 'cause he's a prick. 1004 00:54:06,455 --> 00:54:07,748 [PLAYERS CHUCKLE] 1005 00:54:07,748 --> 00:54:10,459 And I brought some cases of wine from my personal cellar. 1006 00:54:10,459 --> 00:54:12,961 Not the best stuff obviously, but still very, very good. 1007 00:54:13,462 --> 00:54:15,506 And Bumbercatch is trying to fix your sign. 1008 00:54:15,506 --> 00:54:18,509 Neon signs are just a bunch of illuminated, gas-discharge tubes. 1009 00:54:18,509 --> 00:54:20,802 So I thought I'd give it a shot. Screwdriver. 1010 00:54:20,802 --> 00:54:25,599 [SIGHS] Guys, this is incredible. H... Honestly. 1011 00:54:25,599 --> 00:54:27,142 Thank you all so very much. 1012 00:54:27,142 --> 00:54:28,810 - Aw, we got you, man. - No worries. 1013 00:54:29,478 --> 00:54:31,271 - Great work, Van Damme. - Simi. 1014 00:54:31,271 --> 00:54:32,356 Sam. 1015 00:54:33,982 --> 00:54:35,108 Oh, my God. 1016 00:54:35,734 --> 00:54:38,862 - Was this your idea? - No, they called me. 1017 00:54:38,862 --> 00:54:40,447 - It's amazing, right? - It's... It's... [SIGHS] 1018 00:54:40,447 --> 00:54:42,991 Oh! Uh, there's somebody I'd love for you to meet. 1019 00:54:42,991 --> 00:54:45,536 - Okay. - Simi, this is my father. 1020 00:54:45,536 --> 00:54:49,957 So very nice to meet you, Simi. Sam has told me so much about you. 1021 00:54:49,957 --> 00:54:52,459 - Hmm. Has he? - Yes, he has. 1022 00:54:52,459 --> 00:54:54,086 [SAM STAMMERS] 1023 00:54:54,086 --> 00:54:56,213 Well, it's lovely to meet you too, Mr. Obisanya. 1024 00:54:56,213 --> 00:55:00,384 No, no, no, no, no. My father was Mr. Obisanya. Call me Ola. 1025 00:55:00,968 --> 00:55:02,761 - [LIGHT BULB BUZZES] - [BUMBERCATCH] Whoo! [LAUGHS] 1026 00:55:02,761 --> 00:55:05,347 [PLAYERS CHEERING, LAUGHING] 1027 00:55:11,937 --> 00:55:14,648 Oh. Uh, don't worry. I'll order the new mirrors on Monday. 1028 00:55:17,484 --> 00:55:19,611 No. No. Let's keep them. 1029 00:55:20,237 --> 00:55:21,530 I think they serve as a good reminder 1030 00:55:21,531 --> 00:55:23,615 that everything doesn't have to be perfect. 1031 00:55:23,615 --> 00:55:27,077 And if the food is good, who cares about the mirrors? 1032 00:55:27,077 --> 00:55:28,453 Exactly. 1033 00:55:28,453 --> 00:55:31,081 - Speaking of, who's hungry? - [PLAYERS] Yes! 1034 00:55:31,081 --> 00:55:34,001 - Good. So I will cook you all dinner. - [PLAYERS CHEERING] 1035 00:55:34,001 --> 00:55:36,086 Sam, Simi, follow me. 1036 00:55:37,087 --> 00:55:38,088 [BOTH] Yes, Chef! [CHUCKLE] 1037 00:55:39,464 --> 00:55:42,968 - ["ENJOY" PLAYING] - [ALL CHATTERING] 1038 00:55:46,430 --> 00:55:47,514 [ALL CHEERING] 1039 00:56:01,820 --> 00:56:02,863 Apps are up. 1040 00:56:06,575 --> 00:56:08,869 - Come on, let me help you, child. [LAUGHS] - [SAM LAUGHING] 1041 00:56:09,536 --> 00:56:12,497 [SAM'S FATHER EXCLAIMING] 1042 00:56:23,000 --> 00:56:28,000 - Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com -